|Children begin by loving their
parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive
— Oscar Wilde
Cutting the Ties that Bind is based on meditation and symbols of the subconscious to heal your inner child. It was introduced by Phyllis Krystal who has written several books on the subject. The process, and the wisdom behind it, is covered in detail in her first book Cutting The Ties That Bind. A summary is outlined here.
As discussed in the chapter on Relationships, our early experiences of life are linked to our parents. They may have done their best for us, but being human, could not help but pass on their hang-ups, weaknesses and faults to us. At birth we needed unconditional love and bonding with mother and acceptance and support from father. Failure on their part to provide these qualities can leave us emotionally disadvantaged and less able to cope with life. If they were repressed or inhibited we, by using them as role models may have copied their negative traits. Cutting the Ties enables you to identify the way you were affected by your parents and empowers you to free yourself and find your own identity. Moreover, physical problems arising from these mental and emotional backgrounds can also be cured or prevented by the therapy.
Cutting the Ties with your father increases self confidence and assertiveness and helps your career. For women it changes and improves all personal relationships with men. The therapy, when applied to your mother, has a profound effect on how you react to life itself. You can develop a more positive and happy philosophy of life by separating yourself from the negative aspects of her personality. This would be especially relevant if she was distressed or emotionally out of harmony at your birth as you formulated your self image and view of life under these conditions. For men, Cutting the Ties with Mother has a healing effect on personal relationships with women.
When done with a therapist, Cutting the Ties is often supplemented with regression therapy to unlock suppressed memories and feelings, to reconnect with your childhood and put you in touch with the trauma you are healing. This might include your birth and other incidents from your early formative years. Even if you do not believe you can remember your birth or early childhood, the events revealed are imbued with deep feelings which were instrumental in shaping your approach to life. While still in the regressed state, the therapist helps you to reassess these events in order to release associated negative emotions and forgive. Forgiveness involves letting go of desire to hit back at parents, siblings, teachers or anyone who hurt you in the past. This has a liberating effect that releases what anchors the trauma in the present and allows you to grow emotionally.
What to do
|Identify who you need to cut the ties with. This can be done
easily with a therapist through regression and dream analysis.
However, if you are working on your own, use your dreams to
discover trauma that needs healing and identify the parent with
whom the strongest issues lie. For example, to dream of a woman
with her back to you means that your mother turned her back on
you. To dream of a man in a dark brown suit means you copied
your materialistic approach to life from your father. To dream
of the color
pink or a woman sitting at a cash register means your mother did not
love you unconditionally or she put a price on her love. Cut the ties
with this parent first and only cut the ties with one parent at a time.
Give yourself breathing space of a few weeks before moving onto the
When you have issues with your male partner or male boss you commonly find your dreams encouraging you to cut the ties with your father as that relationship laid the foundation for subsequent male relationships. Similarly if you have issues with your son you cut the ties with your father. Similarly if you have issues with your female partner, female boss or daughter you cut the ties with your mother. The karmic relationship between you and your children usually means you are shirking your spiritual obligations if you cut the ties directly with them. After all, they developed their traits while under your care. Having passed issues on to them you can incur karma from washing your hands of your part in the process.
Your relationship with your partner may also be karmic so for the same reason it is unwise to cut the ties with them unless you receive spiritual direction from your guides, a medium or another professional who knows how to check if it is appropriate. You may incur karma by blocking your partner’s life purpose but you also block your ability to achieve your own life purpose.
If you are cutting the ties with your parent and your partner shares many of the same negative traits, realize that cutting the ties will free you from the negative conditioning you suffered but it may also doom your relationship. You will grow through cutting the ties and your energy will change completely. This changes the dynamic of the relationship and unless your partner responds by changing in a positive direction the energy that held you together will no longer exist and you may separate. Even if they do change you may still separate.
A supportive loving relationship can help greatly when cutting the ties. However, warn your partner that you are going through the process. If you are cutting the ties with someone of the same gender as your partner you may temporarily project negative emotions brought up during the process onto them. Warn them in advance of your intention to do this so they are prepared and give you the leeway you may need.
Make a list of positive and negative points
|Once you have determined who
you need to cut the ties with make a list of all the positive and
negative traits and incidents between you and that person as shown
below. Include on the list anything that you think is relevant. To help
you recall, do the list chronologically starting from your birth.
Initially you will find there are lots more negatives than positives. Do
not feel guilty about this – it is common. It is also common to find
when you get about half way through the therapy that you think of more
items to put in the positive column and may even outnumber the
negatives. While that is not always the case it is a clear sign that the
therapy is working.
Figure 1: Make a list of positives and negatives
When the list is complete go through each item one by one and ask yourself how it makes you feel. It is primarily the feelings you are trying to work on during the therapy.
How to cut the ties
Cutting the Ties that Bind
gets its power through use of symbols of the subconscious mind. The
technique itself is very simple but extremely effective. During the
process you will need to visualize a facilitator, someone who you
consider to have the ability to help you with the process. Choose a
suitable facilitator beforehand. This can be somebody you know that has
given their permission to be used in the context of cutting the ties.
Alternatively you can imagine somebody you imbue with the required
attributes. Keep the one facilitator throughout the process.
To cut the ties on your own, follow these steps.
Figure 2: Imagine yourself in a golden circle
Figure 3: Visualize your target
Figure 4: Begin the healing process
Repeat the process daily
Do this for two minutes once
per day and only two minutes. After about four days you will begin to
feel the effects. If you are cutting the ties with your mother you may
feel chest pains. This is your heart chakra opening. The pains will only
last two or three days. You may also feel periods of depression. Keep
working through these as this is what the therapy is clearing. If you
have a heart condition do not undergo this therapy unless with a
qualified therapist. If you are cutting the ties with your father you
may feel back pains or pains in your legs. Again you do not need to
worry about this but take it as a sign that the therapy is working.
Each time you do the therapy pick up your lists of negative and positive points and try to add to them. Go through the list again to see how you feel with regard to each item. You will find your reaction changes as you progress.
The process always brings up very strong negative emotions. These are the bottled feelings from childhood coming to the surface and they are potent. Do something to express these feelings. For example, if you play tennis use the anger or other strong feelings that surfaced as you hit the ball each time. If you walk burn the anger with each footstep. Let yourself feel it as you walk. Do not suppress the feelings. For instance, do not go for a walk to calm yourself down. Walk with the anger, feeling it course through your body. Keep walking until there is no anger left. If you do nothing else bash your pillow to express it. You must express it or the process will take longer and you will project the feelings onto everyone around you. This will be done subconsciously so to you it will seem like you just now realized that your partner is a complete jerk and you will treat them accordingly. Realize it is you who is changing – nothing is changing in them – as you get nearer the end of the therapy these strong feelings are gone and are replace with a tremendous sense of calm and purpose.
Completing the process
|The therapy can take up to
six weeks and a lot of people drop out when they feel the depression
starting. Promise yourself at the start that you will work through this
as your resolve will help you later. When the time is right you need to
complete the process. You will know the time as your attitude to the
person and feelings about life will have changed. If you do not feel any
change complete the process after six weeks. To complete the process do
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